Wine Guy You Should Know

Posted on: August 8th, 2005 by

Terry Theise is a riot. Read his catalog, especially the German one to learn a lot and laugh a lot. I went to a tasting of his and he is one of those guys who will call a wine “kick-ass” or “fucking great.” We bullshitted about wine, restaurants in Chicago, and he was really cool. Below is from his catalog on “Why drink Riesling?”

A) Because if you grow it where it‘s at home, Riesling comes out of the ground already perfect. Don‘t need no face-lift, depilating, tummy-tucks or pancake-makeup. Not like some other grape variety we could name that rhymes with “hard-on-YAY”

B) Because Riesling exists to make food taste better. Compare with adolescent narccisistic grape varieties that only want to draw attention to their adorable SELF.

C) Because Riesling knows soil more intimately than any other grape, and because Riesling is more articulate than any other grape in conveying soil right into your palpitating palate. Go on, SOIL YOUR PALATE with Riesling.

D) Because Riesling attracts the kinds of vintners who do NOT need to prove to you what throbbing hot-shots they are by how neatly they can diddle technology. With Riesling, nature RULES. In the cellar, less is more.

E) Because Riesling is genuine, organically linked to the ground, whole in itself, resistant to fancy-pants machines, because it survives frost, because it ripens late in the Fall when everything is taut and crisp and golden, because Riesling wines are the afterglow of the contented world.

F) Because YOU will be a deeper, happier person when you drink these wines. There‘s no ego and no affect between them and you. They simply display their uncanny complexities in a manner so infectious you can‘t HELP responding with your OWN complexity; suddenly your midheart-soul expands and the world seems like a far more intricate and fascinating place than it was just moments before.

G) Because, take it from me, a lifetime of Riesling drinking will make you a nicer person, a better-informed citizen, a finer lead guitarist, a better hitter with an 0-2 count, a MUCH better lover; you’ll balance your checkbook, avoid Jury duty, change the oil on your car every 3000 miles, never dawdle in the left lane, root for the home team and make bread from scratch. The real question isn‘t “WHY Riesling”? It’s WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR????

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